Intro – Lets Get This Started

I imagine most people have a great plan and direction when starting these things, I however do not but here we go, I am Chris and this is my blog about CFS and me. I am doing this because I have been watching the internet and reading from it over the last 5 months as I have been mostly at home. Not through choice unfortunately but through a condition called chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). It is not easy as I am not the best person at staying in one place or inside but my body and brain did not give me much of a choice. However it has led to this moment where I decided to write and hopefully vlog about my experiences. I want to give some positive insights into my world to show you that just because someone suffers from this condition and ones like it that there is something more to a person than just being ill.

My life mainly consists around my young family who are a huge support factor to me and have been throughout. I have had this condition for five years now and it recently got a lot worse. To give some perspective of how it started I was busy working, socialising, exercising when a freak accident hurt my knee 5 years ago. Now I had a couple of virus’s over the proceeding two years and had not thought much about them, at the time they knocked me off my feet for a week or so but nothing more than flu. I struggled with this knee injury for 6 weeks, nothing major no muscles torn or bones broken. I just remember being so tired on the inside and the pain being so bad. Some days I did not know where I was going and I struggled to remember who I was, what I was doing even though I had not done anything. I returned to work but struggled with any kind of stress either physical or mental and the battle with the pain and tiredness continued for a year. Doctors came and went with nothing being diagnosed or suggested until I had an MRI on my knee. At this point I was so frustrated at the pain coming and going that when I did not feel any immediately before the MRI I began jumping as hard as  could up and down onto my knee just so something showed up. When of course it came back negative but I was so angry at the craziness of the whole situation. From super fit guy to limping in pain, reduced working hours, mental mess all within a year with nothing medical apparently wrong with me or my body. After being told that I was dragging my heals at work with the injury I wrote it all down. eventually I went back to the doctors and sat down and went through it all, making them listen to what I was experiencing. Several bloods tests later after telling me I was depressed they suggested CFS. It took some time but eventually I was diagnosed, if you can call it that with the condition. I then yo yoed for around two to three years, managing to work, study and take exams successfully, exercise and even get married. But the tiredness inside never went away no matter what I did and various pain cycles around my body appearing at will with no warning. Over the last year it all caught up with me, not one for admitting to being in pain or being ill my body gave me no options or get out clauses this time.

So this time around after ending up in hospital and again nothing showing up even though it took my speech, ability to walk away for a small amount of time I started over again. I am sure there are many people who are worse off than me and in no way do I want to sound like I am preaching. I am not sure if it is jus a man thing either I just found it hard to share and to explain to others what was going on and how it was affecting me. Even to this day people look at me and still think I am super fit and active, which of course is a blessing but when you feel like your body is fighting a battle minute by minute every day for the last few years it is a hard place to be. Thankfully I have a supportive employer and family and friends, and plus I like a fight be it mental and physical. Now I know some people will say you should not fight it, but that is just my way of saying I am not letting the condition define me, or mee. I am sure most people with this condition know what it is like, some days I can walk for half a mile and others I can hardly walk. Is there a pill, surely the doctors can do something, it’s all in your head then? All regular questions from friends, strangers, family and work colleagues. I still struggle with explaining it and I try not to if I can as it saves my energy and my head from being in a mess. I do believe that there is a positive to everything, it may be hard to see, find, and it may take some time but there is one. Life for me is still a miracle and this condition showed me how important it is to respect and look after yourself and the ones around you. I took my body and brain for granted thinking that you can always push harder and get better without giving myself a break. Now I have learnt to rest, relax (a little anyway), and accept things as they are and fight when I need to not just because I want to. Not that my life is all yoga, candles and relaxing music, one step at a time. I just wanted to start this by introducing myself and where I am coming from. Hopefully I can help other people through tough days with or without this condition and show that there is somebody that understands.

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